Friday, June 19, 2015

Ring Around the Rose Week 3 ~ Dragon Conversation

This week is round three of the Ring Around the Rose link-up!

The question is: How would you go about talking a dragon out of eating you, especially if no weapons were available?



Generally I like my dragons metaphorical, but to begin with since (unlike poor Eustace) I have read the right sorts of books I would know it was a dragon. And since (presumably, and also differing from Eustace’s initial experience) this dragon is alive and well, I would back up about fifty paces and take a stand—trying to look as small and unappetizing as possible while also maintaining a paradoxically brave and courageous stance. 

Then keeping one eye on the dragon and pulling out my always-upon-my-person, yellow copy of Dealing with Dragons for Dummies, I’d flip to the chapter on out-talking one of the fearsome beasts.


Of course, they immediately cite the common example of Bilbo bandying words with Smaug. Tentatively, I try the first couple lines. No. My particular dragon is quite well-read and literate (most are, in fact) and knows every line of that enchanting and ultimately fairly disastrous conversation.

I start panicking a little and flip to the next chapter. Here Farmer Giles of Ham appears. This is the chapter for Inept With Weapons Yet Still Well Armed People, and begins with an excellent point on the advisability of having an ancient and semi-magical sword in your possession (hanging over the fireplace). I definitely don’t have a sword of any description. 


The dragon’s starting to steam and, desperately, I flip all the way to the last chapter—this one on Genuine Tales of Damsels, Dragons, and Champions. This chapter includes my own story of Sir Andrew (what an honor! ;)) proving his love, fighting his way up the rocky mountain in search of the perfect rose and meeting—on that one fearsome ledge—the fiery monster roaring down on him out of the air. (Very stirring.)

I flip a few more pages. After Sir Andrew, the authors go on to elaborate on the well-known, magnificent tale of St. George—including Spenser’s variation with full excerpts of Redcross’s mighty, exhausting, three day long battle. 


At this point (one of my favorite moments in all literature), my tears start spilling over and the dragon—swishing his tail—gets interested in spite of himself. Laying the book carefully in front of him, I inch away and—as he starts sizzling the first page—I catch up my skirts and take to my heels. 


If the good stories are to be believed, champions are never as far away as might be expected.

Tell me! How would you go about dealing with a dragon?



16 comments:

  1. Haha, completely brilliant! This post made me smile. ^_^

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    1. Kaycee,
      Oh, splendid -- so glad you have made you smile! ;)

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  2. :) Fabulous! Dealing with Dragons for Dummies, I love it! :) Such a fun post! This has been my favorite question so far, as everyone's answers are so fun and creative.

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    1. Jenelle Leanne,
      I had a lot of fun with it -- though I admit it took me a couple days to figure out my exact method! ;D Looking forward to working on this week's question, too!

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  3. Haha, what fun! :) I liked your "Dealing with Dragons for Dummies". ;)
    And I loved the top picture-she reminds me of Anne (Shirley) and of Anna from Frozen.

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    1. Natalie,
      Somebody needs to write that book.... ;) And yes, she does! I was pretty pleased to find a picture that could show both timidity and determination. :)

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  4. Excellent plan! I'd probably try to get eaten in one gulp, with a sword hidden inside my cloak, and then cut my way out from the inside, but that only works if the dragon doesn't roast me before eating...

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    1. Hamlette,
      Thank you! And I was going to say....yes, what about if you get roasted? (But you already did. ;)) I wonder how hot the inside of a dragon would be? Not exactly like Burt Dow in the whale, I'm guessing.... Probably more like Jonah's actual experience. :)

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  5. I adored your answer, Heidi! What a great story! For my answer, I plan on blogging it (for it's quite long). Stay tuned!

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    1. Sarah,
      I'm so glad! Thank you! And hooray, looking forward to your post!! ;D

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  6. Such a fun post, I must say your answer is very funny and creative. I think I might try to make Mr. Dragon my friend offering him the possibility of fighting crime together, he could certainly eat all of the bad guys and do something great for the world :) if that doesn't work I would have a small sword hidden in case he tries to swallow me alive ( I could fight my way out) another option would be to run run and hide somewhere and hope he doesn't find me :/

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    1. Laura,
      Redeeming the dragon? I hadn't thought of that one!! :)

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  7. How fun! If I'm being completely honest, I would probably not survive that encounter. I wish this Dummies book existed! :)

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    1. Reading in the Dark,
      So do I! Don't you think someone should write it? ;)

      And thanks so much for the follow!! :)

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Oh, you're thinking of leaving a comment! How entirely lovely -- thank you and please do!! :) I just ask that all comments be God-honoring and edifying. (And btw, I LOVE comments on old posts! ;))

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